No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
