We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
