don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
