i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
