im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
