I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
