I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
