Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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