I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
