The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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