in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
