True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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