I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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