You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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