yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
