I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
