Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
