go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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