I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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