please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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