oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
