I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
