I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
