if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
