when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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