non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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