Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
