Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
