My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
