I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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