yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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