found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
