Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
