It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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