I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
