return my video game
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
