And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize