Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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