A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
