if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
