i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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