im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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