did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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