can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
