Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You smell like stripper and shame
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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