Ambien. No doubt about it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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