'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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