when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
