Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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