Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
