Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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