I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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