420 ftw
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i barfeds in our rink
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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