apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We're too hungover to prance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize