I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
