i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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