proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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