I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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