NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
