It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
