I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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