I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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