Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
