I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
